WOE UNTO THE POOR ELEPHANT! (Part 1)

This was written a few years ago during my pregnancy with my son.

Woe, unto the poor elephant!! Do you know how long an elephant is pregnant? A mere twenty-three months! Can you believe that? And when an elephant is at the end of her pregnancy, she really is as big as...well, an elephant.

I cannot, nor do I care to, imagine being pregnant for almost two years! Seven and a half months has seemed quite long to me. I recently found out my sister-in-law is expecting again, and my first thought, WOW!! I am glad I am not where she is being three or four weeks pregnant. A lot of water has passed under that bridge since then, baby! Of course, it does seem I have been pregnant longer than anyone else I know. Everyone keeps reassuring me, this is not the case, but with only three weeks of this pregnancy passing without me knowing my status, it does seem like a long time. People I know, however, see me and say, “Wow, you are already THAT far?” 

Here I am though, in the homestretch--the thirtieth week. I have given serious thought as to counting down like NASA, week 10, 9, 8 and so forth. Anxiety that I have not experienced until now has set in. The birth of this baby is imminent. It’s going to happen. With each day, it is going to happen sooner than later. That has me thinking. Will the baby be healthy and okay? How much is labor and delivery going to hurt? Are there going to be any problems? Will I say anything to my husband that he could use against me in divorce court? Will I ask for an epidural at two centimeters? And finally, am I going to be a good mother?

My anxiety could partially be from watching too many BABY STORY episodes on TLC, the cable program that follows a couple into the delivery room. During the first segment, the first-time mother is shown stating that she wants to experience natural child birth and  all that child birth is and opts not to have any pain relief. Come delivery time for most of them, her decision leads to so much pain, she is yelling and screaming and telling her husband to shut up. I have already talked about pain relief with my doctor. I told him every time he sees me, think epidural. Look, I am not the biggest wimp when it comes to pain. I will take it and not scream, but I am not a hero either. I do not believe in embracing pain if I do not have to. I figure even with an epidural, it will not be painless. I am a believer that the anesthesiologist is a pregnant woman’s best friend, forget about diamonds. They won’t help you in this; the anesthesiologist will. 

I do have to say, I have been pretty fortunate in my pregnancy. I experienced no morning sickness. I realize and am thankful to be a rarity there. The baby has shown no signs of any problems other than as I found out from my last doctor’s visit he is a little on the big side.The doctor also told me I have gained eight pounds since my first visit to them in the ninth week. He said I could stand to gain a little more weight. No one has ever said that to me before so I consider that a little jewel. When reflecting on the growth of the baby, he told me not to worry about it. If the baby is already a pound larger than he is supposed to be at this point, then I am glad I did not listen to those friendly invitations to eat whatever and how much I wanted. 

My husband is concerned about my being so obsessed with the baby’s size. We were at a restaurant and he pointed out a baby about six months old. I joked that would be the size of our baby when he was born. He said, “I don’t care how big he is as long as he is healthy.” Well, my first concern is also his health, but I must admit I do have some concern for his size too! It probably does not matter to my husband if this baby has the shoulders of a football player, but it does matter to me for obvious reasons. He doesn’t have to squeeze this child out after what seems to be appropriately called labor.

I found out about four weeks ago that I have gestational diabetes. I flunked the one hour glucose tolerance test and had to force down ten ounces more of the sweet orange drink in the three hour test. I did not get through that one with flying colors either and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I go to the doctor’s office once a week to have my blood sugar checked. So far, everything has been pretty good and all with a new diet plan that has me eating so often, it has taken the fun out of eating. So much so that I only gained half a pound this last month. 

I do not want to make the pregnancy experience sound like it has been drudgery. I am just ready for Eric to get here, make sure he is healthy and see what he looks like.One of the biggest thrills has been seeing an outline of his facial features in the last ultrasound. The other has been that fury of movement that is almost always going on. There is always something reassuring about feeling him move. I think I will miss that once he is born.

The craziest part of pregnancy is while one is yet still pregnant with the first baby, people begin to ask about the next one. Some will even try to down play the pain of childbirth. I had someone tell me a couple of weeks ago, “Having a baby hurts like the dickens, but it is a pain you forget.” Sounded like she had forgotten. She remembered the pain enough to say it hurt like the dickens in a very dramatic and convincing way. 

The thoughts I plan to take with me that day (or night) when I make that faithful journey to the hospital is that many have been here before me. I know some people that are not very pain tolerant, and they made it through child birth, so I will try to focus on them--if they could do it, so can I. I also plan to keep in mind the old saying, “This too shall pass.” Nothing will be more joyous than the day after the birth of Eric. I will focus on these things. 

My once a month doctor visits are over. Now the visits will come every two weeks. Soon it will be every week. Then it will be baby time! I await that blessed event with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. My husband and I will begin birthing classes in the next couple of weeks and bet we will find out that feeling is normal. 

I think back over the past seven and a half months, and in a way, some things have passed quickly. Then again, some things have not. I just keep thinking back to that poor elephant and being pregnant for twenty-three months and think how fewer people there would be in the world if women were pregnant that long. Of course, there would be fewer people than that if men were pregnant at all.